If you think that image up there is my expression right now, then you had better believe I’m giving you the look.
Have you any idea how exhausting it is to watch men and women tear at each other all over the media? You go online, gender war. You watch the news, gender rift. You go to the market where you probably could get away with the assumption that the traders do not have time for social media and if they watch the tv, it’s for movies; but guess what you meet in the market? Gender tsunami 🌊.
I was on my way to a business center to get some work done and decided to have a moment of meditation. The operator of the business center is a man of a certain orientation that does not hold much regard for women. I began to think about all the tales of taxify and Uber drivers regarding women and how men would usually jump in on it, insulting the ladies as deserving of the treatment meted out to them because they must have been rude to the man. They are often so sure in the absence of contrary evidence. Meanwhile, I do know that while some men are generally respectful of people, including women, I have observed from a few interactions with problematic men that they do not even treat a man the same way they treat a woman. If a woman as much as inhaled deeply beside them, it is disrespectful; whereas it is not offensive to them for a man to yawn and belch. I do not see men alleging that boys must have been rude to the police and therefore, deserving of the brutality meted out to them by SARS. (Make no mistakes, some people of a certain religiocultural orientation actually think the boys deserve the ill treatment by SARS). Holy Moly! Can we get along?
It is irritating and exhausting!
That was the thought in my head as I stepped into the business center. I greeted the guy who did not bother to respond. I think I greeted him twice without a response and concluded he was busy. More like I had subconsciously decided to put to test, the hypothesis in my head that men who often have issues with women actually do have real issues with women , I decided to be unusually abase in order not to influence my experiment. I calmly handed him my flash drive to print out some documents and he took it without a word. I was on the phone with a friend and quickly ended the conversation when I saw him aggressively forcing my flash drive into the USB port. What? I dropped the call and made to caution him that he was inserting the drive the wrong way but before I could form the sentence, he broke something off his computer and got it stuck into my flash. Surprisingly, he started shouting and raising his voice at me. I was stunned. I should be the one shouting. I have essential documents on this drive you just damaged. I drove some 40km to come submit this document but you have succeeded in making it of no effect.
”I should be the one upset here. You should apologize. That’s the right thing to do.” I managed to deliver the words as calmly as I could because I was pretty upset on my inside. He kept up with his aggression and waved his hand at me dismissively “I’m sorry. That’s all I can say. It’s not my first time of using a flash drive here.” I retrieved my flash drive and left the place. Images of some of my male friends played on my mind and it was relieving to imagine how his reaction would have been different and more respectful, had it been any of them. I mean, a friend of mine dealt with a taxify driver very sternly and I was a bit embarrassed for the driver. It had better not be a lady, the media would have been agog with how rude she is. When a rape happens, these men judge the man innocent till otherwise proven, and judge the victim guilty and manipulative , even in the face of evidence. A successful woman must have gotten her wealth through prostitution. The moment your space or dominance makes him uncomfortable, you are tagged a prostitute.
Can we talk about women with some sort of mindset? I mean some toxic mindset and manners? Why is it even acceptable for a woman to hit a man because she is provoked? It is normal on our television screens for a woman to slap a man and for the man to take it with equanimity. It is more shocking that some women are on an anti-men movement and proudly label themselves as misandrists.
Every member of the human species came from the fusion of the male man and female woman, so at what point did you learn the rivalry and hate? At what point were you taught that you were superior to another human or you are inferior to anyone? If you are reading this piece, and thank you for reading , you are grown enough to unlearn silliness. You are grown enough to learn that every human needs to be accorded respect and dignity. You are grown enough to unlearn cultural and religious jargons, and learn empathy, kindness, respect, and decency in communication. Communication here is not just in words, but the expression of your manners.
Bad manners are as old as Cain and Abel. Toxicity will remain till the world is no more. I believe there are more good people than evil people. It is important for good people to consciously decide to not amplify bad behavior. Do not amplify hate nor give it the publicity it seeks. It would be nice to educate as many warped people as you can in the hopes that they could learn a new mindset.
Be that as it may, we were all born in innocence, devoid of hate. Now that we have come to maturity, we should unlearn every hate we have picked up on the way- from traumatic experiences and poor societal upbringing.
Can we get along?