Have you ever got a call from a friend and they got this juicy tea for you? You know sometimes, the tea is so hot that you already have a mental list of folks you would love to share it with as soon as they got off the phone? Probably you’ve got your favorite brand of sugar to go with it, and some freshly baked cookies. You might even want to risk adding some milk to the tea.
”Please keep this between us. Let it be our lil’ secret.”
Suddenly, you are forced to drink the hot tea and keep it in. Your plans to “embellish” it as you invite another person to a tea party has been thwarted.
”Sure! I promise.”
Mission aborted! You’re left mopping within your mind as the zebra. All a girl wanted was to enjoy and pass on some gist in peace without any moral burden of decency. Sometimes, it feels uncomfortable. Like you are agonizing in labor and desperate to push out the baby of gossip. Gossip is really sweet when you are telling the story of another.
This was my story when my sister called me a while ago to download a sumptuous gist, and while she was on the phone, I was at the other end infusing the tea to serve mom. Imagine how devastated I was when she told me “keep this confidential. Don’t tell mom.” I nearly cried “please don’t make me promise!”. For days, I walked about like the zebra, knowing whatever I told mom, I could not tell her what I had promised to keep a secret. Days rolled by and the tea got too cold to be offered as gossip. I stumbled upon a friend’s post online and the summary of his post was two points:
1. Keep your promises and confidentiality agreement.
2. Be trustworthy and keep your word on confidentiality no matter what.
Barely two weeks afterwards, a friend going through a phase of life called and thought I was trustworthy enough to be handed some hot tea about himself. He asked that I keep it a secret between us and it did not feel as demanding as it was on me when my sister took my commitment. Well I thought it was easy till mutual friends started enquiring and I could tell them every other thing but that which I had kept confidential.
”Babe, this is us. We share gists. You can tell me.”
”Yeah, I know. But this is his gist to tell, and I have a promise to keep.”
You can imagine the uncomfortable silence that followed the back and forth, caused by my unwillingness to spill the tea. From one confidentiality promise to another, gossip became less attractive to me. Such that when a call came in this night and a vital information was given with a commitment to keep it a secret away from others, it did not take me much energy to “yes ma’am” the caller.
Does that make a promise any more comfortable to keep? I don’t think so. Often demands a deliberate effort to keep trust every time. One must earn trust in every friendship and relationship; it starts with the basics.
Brings me to the question?
Do people in love keep their friends’ confidential gists away from their partners or they spill the tea as pillow talk? If I wanted your spouse to have the information, I would have let them in on it. However, lovers often say they do not keep secrets from each other to strengthen their bond and communication.
Does this mean we keep our tea and secrets away from our friends in love except we are willing to share the information with their partners as well? How easy is it to keep a secret? What breaks the code of confidentiality for you?
When was the last time you mopped around like the zebra because of a secret?